Honestly, i never once thought i’d be 20 years old, and googling ‘ how to deal with the death of a mother ‘ …come on..seriously?! I mean, i’m happy that any question i have, can be answered…apparently i talked in my sleep the other week…i said, “GOOGLE IT!” haha i google everything. No, but really, why am i having to experience such tragedy at a young age. Not like this is something new, but really?! Don’t you guys ever feel like, ‘ Why me?’ but feel like everyone gets annoyed and has the usual response, ‘there are so many people out there that are going through things worse than you.’ Well, I have realized that yes, there are people suffering more than i am, but that doesn’t mean that i’m not allowed to be upset about what’s going on in my life.
My mother is in the end stage of liver cirrhosis due to excessive alcohol abuse for 20 + years….and now, i’m the one who has to deal with it. She lives in a room in a house where there is no ac and no one speaks english. She is dying alone…and it kills me every single day. My day went from being miserable, to wonderful
We’re having a meeting at 5pm today with a rep from a hospice facility, and hopefully, this will be the last day she’s had to be alone. Although i know you only go to hospice if you are terminally ill, i’m still thrilled that there are people willing to help her. I can only do so much. I’m still in shock that i know that within the next few weeks, i will get that phone call that i’ve been dreading for months now. Much to my surprise, my mom is still here, but the doctors said it wont be long.
What i’ve learned through this whole experience:
1. Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel , your feelings are valid and everyone grieves differently
2. Don’t let yourself feel guilty, this is NOT YOUR FAULT
3. TALK about your feelings, keeping it bottled up will set you up for disaster
4. No matter what, everything WILL get better..life doesn’t stop here. I Promise.
“In the end it will be ok, and if it’s not ok, don’t worry..it’s not the end”